MOM

So this time last year I was sitting at home NOT having to travel for work and considering the fall lineup of television shows for the evening. I got a fb message from a new friend encouraging people to attend the Norman City Council Meeting that night. I called to see what the big deal was. She told me that the Council was planning to pass a consent to recognize National GLBT awareness month. No big deal, right? Not so fast. Evidently a local wingnut had gotten hold of the agenda and was insisting it come before public comment. Political controversy? Free evening? I'm on it! What came next may very well have changed my life. That City Council meeting is now somewhat infamous. Red faced folks lined the hallways and auditorium pacing and grunting and .... well, praying. The Council began public comment and what came next surprised even me....cynical little ole me. The hatred and ignorance that followed was truly unsettling. Folks were lining up and cheering to talk about how gay folks should not be with us. I'm using nice words here, because they did not. I watched in horror as the Senior Pastor of Norman's largest church, glad-handed, and worked the crowd. To this day I don't think Mr. Mitchell has ever come clean with his attendance or influence at this meeting. But his flock was surely there! I feel like I've seen a lot of hatred in my life. As a student of the Civil Rights Movement, I have read more articles than most and watched more documentaries than most. Often through tear-stained glasses, but saying to myself "this is important, you need to watch". Married to a black man, I experienced some of the same hatred from many, even some in my own family. I've watched church families rip themselves apart. I've seen some crap! But it was nothing compared to what I heard that evening. It hurts just remembering it now. Ignorance is ugly. Ignorance and hate are really ugly. Ignorance, hate and "christianity" are more than intolerable. I just couldn't stand it. But I got to leave the meeting. I was lucky. As many now know, one young man in our community committed suicide later and cited this meeting as his "final straw". Bullying, intolerance, ugliness of all kinds had been things he chose to no longer live with. Our community mourned. I have tried to deal with my own anger, sadness, grief in my own ways. Raising two incredible young men. Raising one incredible young ally sister. Teaching tolerance whenever I can. Doing public speaking with local teachers. Encouraging my kids to do the same. Heck, I even attempted to get a meeting with Preacher Mitchell. But it's small potatoes in a world of hate! Some other moms in Norman evidently had similar experiences. Now we've all gotten together to form M.O.M. -- Mothers of Many. It has given me some place to rest my anger and sadness, as well as a place to funnel my activist energies. And tomorrow night we will be standing with our community at a Candlelight Vigil. A dear friend recently told me that helping Gay people find their rightful, legal place in society is our generation's Civil Rights Movement. That's hard to hear, because I know how that one went.....still goes on. Lots of people have to get hurt. Makes me sad. But today and tomorrow I choose to remember. They say, #It Gets Better. I really hope so! Here is the Letter to the Editor of the Norman Transcript from our group last Sunday: Editorial, Norman Transcript By MOM (Mothers of Many) Prepared for Sunday, September 25, 2011 Edition We are MOM. Mothers of Many. Our alliance is born of our grief of tragic loss of our community’s children who could no longer live with being bullied. We are transforming our grief into action. MOM is committed to standing up for our children, replacing condemnation, rejection and toxic words with understanding, compassion and acceptance. MOM believes we all share responsibility for one another in matters of social justice. We believe all people contribute to how our community is defined ~ as one that values and welcomes all. Your respect for all can not only change lives, it can save lives. Please consider these recommendations from MOM. To you, our LGBTQ friends and loved ones: Stay close to one another and to those who love you and support you. Don’t give away your dignity by listening to the fear-filled words of a vocal minority. To families: Love all your children unconditionally; accept them for who they are; and speak up on their behalf when others won’t. Maintain a ‘no tolerance zone’ for intolerant and abusive remarks. To straight allies: Speak up against persecution and bigotry. If every straight ally intervened on behalf of a LGBTQ person, what a powerful force that would be. To schools and other public institutions: Claim your responsibility for creating safe environments and protecting all people. Make sure you are doing everything in your power to implement policies that include sexual orientation and gender identity, practices and training that will result in safer spaces for everyone. No one is safe until everyone is safe. To our legislature: Enhance existing bullying legislation in Oklahoma that includes sexual orientation and gender identity. Help protect the basic freedoms and privileges that should be afforded every American, every Oklahoman. To faith communities: Begin discussion about religions really say about homosexuality – and listen to the stories of your LGBTQ members and their families. As you talk, as opposing viewpoints are expressed, stay away from words that are hurtful. There may be differences of opinion that are irreconcilable, but opinions must be expressed in ways that are not abusive. Imagine the strength in faith communities if all places of worship were open and welcoming to every person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. If you are the mother of a LGBTQ child and would like to join us, please contact one of the members listed below. While MOM is for mothers who have LGBTQ children, Parents, Family & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) offers additional support for all family members and friends. Details about PFLAG Norman may be found online. Area high schools and institutions of higher education also sponsor advocacy groups. With great faith, hope and love, MOM Harriet Bohanan Leslie Bohon-Bothwell Cindy Cason Joyce Collard LWDallam Lisa Downs Nancy Hane Kay Holladay Jamie Hubbard Karen Lenington Jill Levan Glenda Peters Doris Riecke Pam Sanford Kathryn Smith Audra Urqhart Moira Waterbury

Jesus for the Non-Religious

So, I've started a new book study with the local UCC church. I've pretty much been fighting the call to get involved with the local church for over a year now. I know it's silly to fight it, but I'm serious about wanting to steer clear of those churches who have hijacked my Jesus for their earthly purposes. When I run into friends or folks I used to attend church with, the inevitable question comes up. Where are you going to church now? I'm tired of side-stepping the question, but realize that my brand of Jesus-love is not a tradition or really part of polite discussion. When I go to church I MISS JESUS! I've struggled to put words to the thoughts and feelings I have on this subject. But recently I was invited to a book study and found this poem in the preface of the book to be studied. It melted my heart. I believe this fella captures those thoughts and feelings perfectly. So, thank you John Shelby Spong....I'm going to quote your poem here...

The Lament of a Believer in Exile

Ah Jesus!
Where have you gone?
When did we lose you?
Was it when we became so certain that we possessed you
That we persecuted Jews
Excommunicated doubters,
Burned heretics,
And used violence and war to achieve conversion?
Was it when our first-century images
Collided with expanding knowledge?
Or when biblical scholars informed us that the Bible does
Not really support what we once believed?
Was it when we watched your followers distorting people
With guilt,
Fear,
Bigotry,
Intolerance,
And anger?
Was it when we noticed that many who called you Lord
And read their Bibles regularly
Also practiced slavery,
Defended segregation,
Approved lynching,
Abused children,
Diminished women,
And hated homosexuals?
Was it when we finally realized
That the Jesus who promised abundant life
Could NOT be the source of self-hatred,
Or One who encourages us to grovel
In life-destroying penitence?
Was it when it dawned on us that serving you would require
The surrender of those security-building prejudices.
That masquerade as our sweet sicknesses?

We still yearn for you Jesus, but we no longer know where
To seek your presence.
Do we look for you in those churches that practice certainty?
Or are you hiding in those churches
That so fear controversy that they make "unity" a god,
And stand for so little that they die of boredom?
Can you ever be found in those churches that have
Rejected the powerless and the marginalized,
The lepers and the Samaritans of our day,
Those you called our brothers and sisters?
Or must we now look for you outside ecclesiastical settings,
Where love and kindness expect no reward,
Where questions are viewed as the deepest
Expressions of trust?

Is it even possible, Jesus, that we Christians are the villains
Who killed you?
Smothering you underneath literal Bibles,
Dated creeds
Irrelevant doctrines,
and dying structures?
If these things are the source of your disappearance, Jesus,
Will you then reemerge if these things are removed?
Will that bring resurrection?

Or were you, as some now suggest, never more than an illusion? (I say not!)
By burying and distorting you were we
Simply protecting ourselves
From having to face that realization?

I will seek to possess what I believe you are, Jesus:
Access to and embodiment of
The Source of Life,
The Source of Love,
The Ground of Being,
A doorway into the mystery of holiness.

It is through that doorway that I desire to walk.
Will you meet me there?
Will you challenge me,
Guide me,
Comfort me,
Reveal your truth to me and in me?

Finally, at the end of this journey, Jesus,
Will you embrace me
Inside the ultimate reality
That I call God
In whom I live
And move
And have my being?

$200 a Week

$200 a week. Yep. That's what our new food lifestyle costs. That's $50 a week per person/$7 per day per person. A little over $2 a meal. For organic. For local. For sustainable. For REAL food. For NON processed. This surprises me. Last August when we set out on this adventure, I was worried about the money. But I had determined that I'd rather pay more now to eat better quality than to pay later for health costs, not to mention new clothes for me as I was gaining weight uncontrollably. I was exhausted by 4pm every day and found myself scarfing some fast food option while on the road from small town Oklahoma.

In January I began saving every receipt from every food purchase. I averaged every month from January through May and came up with this very consistent amount. Nearly every week came up to just around $200, except the week we had my daughter's birthday party. But the average was consistent. I can do this!!

Granted, part of the cost factor is that we nearly NEVER eat out anymore. There are not a lot of options in this real food adventure where restaurants are concerned. We have found four that we can tolerate in our hometown of Norman. Four! See, here's the deal. Even if you are just tired and hungry and decide WHATEVER...I'm gonna eat out there is a problem. The food sucks! Yep, the same old things I used to eat all the time, i.e. burgers, fajitas, FRENCH FRIES, quesadillas, artichoke dip, even chips and salsa...taste wrong. They either taste like paper or salt or sugar or my memory of raw celery (yuck, still hate celery)...and have an AFTER taste. Trust me, it's nasty! So, this provides the reinforcement I need to keep on the straight and narrow. I can no longer tolerate fast food, most restaurants, even pre-shredded cheese. Everything has to be fresh, and most must be organic. Local makes it even better...and if you can find good ole' grass fed beef raised by a local farmer...well you've hit the jackpot!! American processed, convenient food just no longer is good enough.

I'm really proud of us. I've never in my life been able to conquer food. It has always had me by the throat. I like food. It is a social event for me to eat. But now I can cook what I like, eat healthy, eat less and despite what people may tell you, it's NOT more expensive. You just have to do it right, commit and cook. No take out, no eating out...and then there are the dishes. Lots and lots of dishes. If you cook, you create dishes.

But this experiment has been a great success for us. I have energy throughout the day. I eat less. I eat mostly fruits and vegetables and grains. I am cooking more and experimenting more with foods...which I love! The kids are healthier. Allergies are better, cholesterol is better. I've lost weight and one jean size. $200 a week has been a great investment!

New achievement

Ok, I know this sounds silly but I'm really proud of the fact that I opened a new savings account today. Yes, I am 47 years old and have never had a savings account as an adult. Not that I haven't tried....there has never been much to save...well there has never been anything to save.

Being a single mom is truly over-rated. After the divorce and ensuing debt, I have really, really struggled to make it financially. I KNOW all the rules...I listened to Dave Ramsey ad nauseum for heaven sakes! But when you don't have it...you don't have it! As I began a new post-divorce career, it took two years to finish my advanced degree, two years to get licensed, four years to find a job with a company who paid a living wage and about another year to play catch up. Of course none of this has been smooth. There have been broken appliances, broken down cars, and now two children in college. But just last month I bought my very first appliance, without help of credit or spouse or friend. I bought a dryer! I appreciate that dryer! I love that dryer!

And now I love my new savings account. I am certain it will be called upon to continue to fix and update the old appliances and to pay tuition and expenses at local universities. But I'm proud of myself for getting to this place without giving up.

We have gone two full months without mail that comes in a pink envelope (my daughter noticed this). I've gone two full months of paying ALL the bills ON time! There are still a few old creditors out there who continue to find me, but I am now in a position to set up small, regular payments with them. I have a new dryer. I have a savings account. Dave Ramsey would be proud!

The World Spins Onward

Well it's been quite a month. The Egyptian people threw out their Dictator and demanded a new government. I'm surviving another spouse-less Valentines Day. Justin Beiber did not win the expected grammy and my daughter just ate her first boca burger. Yet the world has not twisted off its axis and continues to spin.

I admittedly did not watch a lot of the Egyptian protests, partly because I was afraid I'd jinx them. I did watch Tianemen Square faithfully and look how that one turned out. I'm really happy for the Egyptian folks and truly hope this turns out well. I was just settling into this idea of the insignificance of individual thought and social justice when they pulled this one out of their hats. It's nice to know that protests still have positive consequences, even in hard-line Muslim countries.

My own little battles continue. There isn't enough money to send my son to the college of his dreams. Life as a thinking progressive in red state, conservative Oklahoma is a burden. We struggle to keep up the fight against consumerism and processed food. Finding a church in my city where I don't already know the "dirt" is impossible and fighting this life-long struggle with my judgmental spirit marches on. The ex can't seem to make up his mind regarding child support and my kids remain without a connection to their father. But in the big picture, I suppose these are small things.

Watching the Grammy awards last night remind me that I'm getting old. Even though I can smile watching Gaga emerge from an egg/womb like thing, I am not part of her target market. My son didn't know who Mick Jagger was. My friend's son referred to Barbra Streisand as "that Focker mom" and no matter how many "recoveries" he has, I don't think Eminem should be producing domestic violence videos. Oh well.

Today I will be thankful for the large and small things. Bieber didn't win a grammy. The Egyptians get to pick a new government (hopefully). Boca burgers still taste good. I have three incredible, healthy, progressive-thinking children. I can smile at Lady Gaga. And the world is still spinning.